I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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