Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
