woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
