I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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