i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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