Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
sex in a hospital.. check
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize