speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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