Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
