i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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