My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
