i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
