hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
