this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
