Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
