ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
