I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
