do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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