just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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