you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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