omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
