Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
