So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
send nudes
from the living room?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
