YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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