hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
