How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
