I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
