youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
