in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
