Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
