Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
