I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
