Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
