Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize