people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize