Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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