I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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