Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
