omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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