I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
