even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
