Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
