So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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