Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
