I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
