glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need water and some morals
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
