You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
