Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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