I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
