there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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