last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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