Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
