being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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