She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
