a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
