Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
