you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i came on her dog
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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