Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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