Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
