Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize