The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
