Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
