dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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