All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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