Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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