I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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