Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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