Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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