God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
