You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
COCAINE IS GR8
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