About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
