4 words: hood of his car
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
